NEWS AND VIEWS: Budgets and wedding day: What about the church? (05/20/01)

NEWS AND VIEWS

Budgets and wedding day: What about the church?

by the Rev. Bohdan Lukie

As a pastor for over 33 years, I have had the privilege and the joy of preparing hundreds of young couples for the beautiful Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. It is exciting to personally experience the happiness of a young couple as they anticipate the wonderful day of their marriage commitment to each other.

And it is understandable that as the young people excitedly prepare for this glorious and holy day in their lives, they may become swept up and even overwhelmed by the preparation for their wedding day - so many things to do, so many details, so many unexpected "issues"...

Often I remind the young couple in love not to prepare for their wedding at the cost of their marriage. As I have often shared, I can prepare for the most beautiful ceremony in the course of an hour. However, my most major concern is their marriage, in other words, the day and years after the wedding.

A wedding is but a day, your marriage is a lifetime.

And yes, maybe I've even become a little cynical about the pressures and the demands on young couples by today's commercial society. I am convinced that the "Wedding Bells, etc." catalogues and books and definitely the bridal shows can often be very negative and even destructive to a healthy and lasting marriage. The phrase that "this is the most special day of your life" and therefore, you, of course, must have the very "best," can leave couples very vulnerable.

The wedding budget they so carefully planned can suddenly "go off the wall." Couples have shared with me that they "got swept away" and suddenly discovered the cost of their wedding had doubled and even tripled in cost. They had hoped to host the wedding themselves and now they would have to borrow thousands of dollars to pay for it. Reality is a rude awakening

The following figures, provided by some couples, approximate the average wedding costs in 2001: rehearsal dinner, $1,500-$2,000; gifts for attendants, $1,500 Wedding Dress, $400-$1,000; tuxedo, $150-$300; beauty salon, $300-$500; flowers, $2,000-$3,000; photographer, $1,500-$3,000; video, $1,500-$2,500; limos, $1,000-$2,100; reception at ($95-$125 per person, minimum of 125 persons), $11,875 - $15,625; orchestra, $2,000-$4,000; favors, $750; honeymoon, $5,000-$7,000.

Total cost (without tips): $30,000 to $45,000.

Notice that in the above figures the cost of the many sessions with the Pastor, the rehearsal time, the use of the church, the cantor or choir, the celebrant of the marriage are not even factored in.

In fact, often it is taken for granted that the church and the priest are just there to be used. No thought has been given to the upkeep of the church, the heating, the air conditioning, the cleaning, the cost of maintaining it. The maintenance of your house and property costs much; the daily upkeep of a church costs considerably much more.

Yes, it does bother me that often the limosine in front of the church, or the flowers in church - the props - have taken on more value, judging by the cost, than the church and the whole wedding ceremony. Without the priest, without the church there is no wedding. Don't families or couples take for granted the most important aspect of the day? Sadly, I think so!

Many times at the last minute the priest is asked how much the church costs. Once upon a time I gave a figure. Am I being unreasonable when I now suggest a donation (the only item that is tax-deductible) for the support of the church to equal 5 percent of the cost of the wedding? A $1,000 wedding means a donation of $50; a $10,000 wedding would merit $500, a $20,000 wedding means $1,000 and so forth... Notice that this is still less than the cost of the white limo, or the videographer, or...

Please don't take the church for granted!! Again, I repeat, without the church, there is no Christian wedding. Nothing else on wedding day, be it flowers, limos, outfits, the cocktail hour, the wedding banquet, etc. will ensure that the marriage will be happier, and lasting and blessed. The church and the priest, on the other hand, provide the blessing of God and continue to intercede before God for the young couple.

Thank you for reflecting upon these thoughts. Please consider all of the above in your plans for the greatest commitment of your life or your children's lives.

P.S. How sad that it now appears that people only value things that cost. The church is the cheapest thing at the wedding. How is it valued or is it at all? Is this meant to be provocative? Is this meant to make you question and think? Hopefully, the answer is: "Yes"!

The Rev. Bohdan Lukie CSsR describes himself as a "seasoned pastor responsible for over 400 marriages." He is pastor at St. John the Baptist Ukrainian Catholic Church in Newark, N.J.

| Home Page |