DOUBLE EXPOSURE

by Khristina Lew

Something borrowed, something blue-and-yellow

It's wedding season, and as I flip through the wedding announcements in Sunday's New York Times, I begin to think about how many Ukrainian Americans - all born in the United States - have married other Ukrainian Americans. In a completely unscientific survey of my long-ago Ukrainian School class, I found that seven out of 10 classmates married someone of Ukrainian descent.

I find that statistic startling, given that we are all born and educated in the U.S., and that careers have sent many of us away from traditional Ukrainian community strongholds. It must be a conscious effort, I decide, and for many, it is.

Oresta Bilous-Olexy, 39, of Easton, Conn., says that it was "definitely important" to marry a Ukrainian American because "I wanted to continue my heritage. It's easier - there's an instant commonality and you don't have to constantly explain what a 'zabava' is," she said. She, like many of the people I spoke to, dated non-Ukrainians, but says that with someone who shares your ethnicity, "there is a mutual understanding that is already in place."

Roksolana Stojko-Lozynskyj, 47, of New York, says that for her, "there was no other alternative." She, too, spoke of 'commonality,' and explained that "emotionally, I could not be open to anyone else. It was not an intellectual decision I came to, and I didn't think about it logically. Perhaps it's because I felt 'the other' in the community. I had a mass of American friends, but in terms of intimate relations, I could only be with someone who understands the wholeness of being Ukrainian American - the totality of the experience. Growing up, Ukraine was an obsessive experience for me, and the partner for me was someone who understood that," she noted.

Vanessa Jarymovych, 29, of Philadelphia, says that finding a Ukrainian was not a prerequisite, "but added "I always knew that it would work out nicely if I did. I didn't want to block anyone out because they weren't Ukrainian, so it definitely worked out that Olko is." Mrs. Jarymovych, whose mother is Ukrainian and father is Lithuanian, said that she never felt any pressure from her parents to marry someone of Ukrainian descent. "But I can tell that my mother is happy that I did," she added.

Andrew Jarosewich, 39, of North Royalton, Ohio, flatly denies that a Ukrainian background was a factor in choosing a spouse. "I just married a really nice person," he said of his wife, Tania, who is Ukrainian American. He does concede, however, that it makes life a lot easier. "You're both first-generation, you've had a similar upbringing. For the most part you share the same religion and culture, and that's half the battle," he said. He spoke of difficulties friends who married outside of their ethnic or religious group have: "it becomes an issue of what Church to get married in, how you raise your children," he noted.

Renata Hron Gomez, 38, of Cardiff-by-the-Sea, Calif., commented that the most important thing for her was to find someone "who respected the fact that I was brought up with another culture." Her husband, Emilio, was brought up in a Spanish-speaking household. "The Mexican culture, the Spanish culture, is complementary to Ukrainian," she said. The Gomezes are raising their 21-month-old daughter, Eva, in a bilingual household: Ukrainian and Spanish. Mrs. Gomez speaks to her daughter in Ukrainian, and Mr. Gomez speaks to her in Spanish. "We figure she'll pick up English along the way," Mrs. Gomez laughed.

So, with the start of summer officially upon us, good luck to those of you looking for someone special, be they Ukrainian, American - or Spanish.

Copyright © The Ukrainian Weekly, July 3, 2005, No. 27, Vol. LXXIII

| Home Page |