VIEW FROM THE TREMBITA LOUNGE: Friendship...and distractions (08/21/05)

VIEW FROM THE TREMBITA LOUNGE

by Taras Szmagala Jr.

Friendship...and distractions

The familiar sound of ESPN SportsCenter blared from the television as I glanced aimlessly around the bar. "The Cleveland Indians found yet another unique way to lose tonight," the announcer intoned with too much enthusiasm for my taste, "sending the Tribe to defeat at the hands of the Chicago White Sox." One would think that I would have become accustomed to the pain of being a Cleveland sports fan by now, but it seems every season (whether baseball, basketball or football) presents entirely new opportunities for disappointment. I reached for the remote and changed the channel to CNN.

"Taras!" a familiar voice yelled from the bar entrance. "Hey, buddy, I haven't seen you in forever. How've ya been?" The voice was that of Andrij, someone I met in Ukraine about 10 years ago. He sat down, and we began catching up.

In many ways, it was odd that Andrij and I became friends. A Ukrainian American freelance author from California, he was just out of college, and was living in Ukraine to study, write and "find himself" for a while. I, on the other hand, was a practicing lawyer, working in the Kyiv office of a multinational law firm. On the surface, we did not have much in common. Yet we both found ourselves living in Ukraine in the mid-1990s, and that was commonality enough.

A fresh round of drinks was put before us, and the nostalgia began to flow. "Whatever happened to Ihor?" he wondered, while I inquired after his good friend Megan, with whom he still kept in touch. More and more names (along with colorful stories) rolled off our tongues all night. Eventually, one of us grabbed a paper napkin and a pen, and began listing names of those we had gotten to know in Ukraine. Five names grew to 10, then 15 - the list kept growing. Many on the list were Americans, not all of whom were of Ukrainian descent. Others were Ukrainian nationals, and still others from various European countries.

Our list-writing was interrupted by a breathless CNN reporter who let us know that yet another blonde college girl was missing in yet another tropical paradise. We were invited to stay tuned to learn more - an invitation Andrij and I readily declined. Instead, we pondered our frayed napkin and the ink blots gracing its margin. "Just look at these names," he pondered. "What an odd group we were!"

How right he was - in fact, it was so odd it was striking. A Peace Corps volunteer, the daughter of an ex-KGB colonel, a political consultant, a journalist, a real estate investor, a professional dancer - we all spent countless hours in each other's apartments, chatting over dinners and lazy Sunday brunches. Each had a unique story to tell and a different perspective to offer, with living in Kyiv our only common thread.

Yet, within a few years, many of us were no longer in Ukraine. Some returned to their home countries, while others moved on to different expatriate assignments. And once we left Kyiv we quickly lost contact with our Ukrainian friends, and each other.

"It's a shame we haven't kept in touch," Andrij observed. "It's almost as if Ukraine was a social magnet, drawing in all sorts of interesting people. But when that magnet was removed, we scattered to the wind. Why do you think that happened?" "Oh, I don't know," I replied, distracted by my buzzing mobile phone. "It's hard to keep in touch, after all - what with the pace of life today, there's barely enough time to do all the things that need to get done, let alone keep in touch with friends we made 10 years ago. Who has time for those philosophical conversations now, anyway?" I was going to add something insightful, but was distracted by a CNN text ticker informing us of the latest developments in the Michael Jackson litigation.

"Wait a second," Andrij replied. "Why is it that we had enough time in Ukraine to get to know all these interesting people, but when we returned home, we didn't have time to keep in touch? After all, life in Ukraine was much more time-consuming. We didn't have all of the conveniences of America. Something doesn't make sense to me. Why do you think we have less 'personal' time living here than when we lived there?"

Hmmmm...he stumped me with that one. "Perhaps," I began, not really knowing where I was going with the thought, "it's because there wasn't much to do over there. Let's face it - there were not a lot of Western-style entertainment options in Kyiv back in the mid-1990's. The TV programs were awful, you couldn't get ESPN, the movies were horrendous, and there are only so many operas one can handle. Plus, the pace of life was slower then. No instant e-mail messaging, fewer mobile phones - heck, you couldn't even get an outside phone line on some days. So, I guess we spent the time with each other, just hanging out."

"So, let me make sure I understand what you are saying," Andrij replied. "Because Kyiv was a bit dull when we lived there, we made up for it by developing interesting and meaningful friendships with a wide range of different people? And now, when we have so many other ways to spend our time - distractions, perhaps - we tend to let those relationships suffer? Is that what you are saying?"

I nodded as I picked up the remote control and turned the TV off.

Taras Szmagala Jr. may be reached at [email protected].

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